Routines seem so very, well, routine. To someone with a creative flair, they might seem to inhibit you from doing what you want to create. To others, they are a lifeline.
Working on routines have always been so hard for me, as a person or as a mother. But, I learned a few years ago, from this site, that routines can give you more time and energy to do the things you love.
But, I am human, and I forget how important these routines are. Simple routines, like rubbing Ruth's back, can make all the difference in the world. Take last night for example. I had a long day. We went from work to therapy to Nana's to home (for Ruth) to church for a meeting to home again. I didn't sit for relaxation until after 8 PM. Ruth was tired, so I thought, mistakenly, that she would just relax and go to sleep. Not so. The things we passed out time with did not give her the sensory input she needed. This worked her up, rather than settled her down. After her daddy talked to her, she was still too wound up to settle. Then, I remembered 'routine" and sensory integration work together.
So, I went in. I held her on my lap. She cried and tried to explain away her behavior. I told her that I just wanted to sit and for her to not talk right now. I rocked her for a few minutes, then I could feel her drooping. She laid down, and I covered her with our heaviest blanket. (Man, I need one of those weighted blankets.) I sat for a few more minutes rubbing/patting her back through he blanket. her eyes began to droop. She reached her legs up. Ah, a sign for needing to be brushed. I pulled out the sensory brush, and began to gently pull it along her legs. She requested more pressure. Ah, yes, the need for sensory input was great. With in a minute or so, she was smiling in that tired droopy fashion that reminds me of her as a contented baby after she had finished nursing, minus the milk dripping out of the corner of her mouth.
Routines. We need them in this sensory filled home. They not only get work done, but they allow us to fill the sensory void, to be able to relax and feel in control. In our home, I need to remember that routines are not the enemy, but are a friend.
Head Banging
Scary thought, huh?
Head banging is the newest thing we have had to deal with. In times when things are intense for Ruth, she feels the need to bang her head. Do we let her? Well, not really. I mean, she has, but we seek other things for her to do, like take a shower. I was extremely worried about this behavior, and contacted the Occupational Therapist. She said that it is cause by a need for intense input. Oh. So, for a kid with sensory seeking behavior, this could be normal, I guess.
We are looking at what we are providing her at home, and readjusting. She gets 2 bath/shower times a day (or more), we are brushing her, and there are changes to allow for more movement in our living room.
Someday, we will buy her a weighted blanket or neoprene vest to help add pressure when she feels out of control. The OT said she needs that input to reorganize herself: body, mind, and I bet even soul. I mean really think about what it feels like when you are so frustrated you can not even think.
I believe the saying goes: "I feel like banging my head against a wall.".
Head banging is the newest thing we have had to deal with. In times when things are intense for Ruth, she feels the need to bang her head. Do we let her? Well, not really. I mean, she has, but we seek other things for her to do, like take a shower. I was extremely worried about this behavior, and contacted the Occupational Therapist. She said that it is cause by a need for intense input. Oh. So, for a kid with sensory seeking behavior, this could be normal, I guess.
We are looking at what we are providing her at home, and readjusting. She gets 2 bath/shower times a day (or more), we are brushing her, and there are changes to allow for more movement in our living room.
Someday, we will buy her a weighted blanket or neoprene vest to help add pressure when she feels out of control. The OT said she needs that input to reorganize herself: body, mind, and I bet even soul. I mean really think about what it feels like when you are so frustrated you can not even think.
I believe the saying goes: "I feel like banging my head against a wall.".
New Friend
I love when Ruth makes a new friend. It does two things.
It gives her needed peer support which she craves. Having a friend to share joys and sorrows is so important. Ruth has no sisters, and so I pray she will find that friend that fills the void. Maybe this is the one...
The other is kind of selfish of me...
I had 4 hours to myself. Without the constant wonder and worry of Ruth. I moved furniture around. I worked on a project for a retreat. I sat and watched adult TV (true crime shows are not Ruth material). One thing that is hard to realize as a mother of a child with SPD is that we do need these down times. This is important so that we can refresh and rediscover our joy in our bundles of wonder. When we are tired, okay, when I am tired, I get frustrated and snappy. I forget that if I just plan ahead I can help Ruth to achieve great things. Down time allows me to be me. When I am me, I gain focus. I achieve joy. Or maybe I don't, but I can feel a shift in my attitude about life.
New friends, old friends, friends are a blessing.
It gives her needed peer support which she craves. Having a friend to share joys and sorrows is so important. Ruth has no sisters, and so I pray she will find that friend that fills the void. Maybe this is the one...
The other is kind of selfish of me...
I had 4 hours to myself. Without the constant wonder and worry of Ruth. I moved furniture around. I worked on a project for a retreat. I sat and watched adult TV (true crime shows are not Ruth material). One thing that is hard to realize as a mother of a child with SPD is that we do need these down times. This is important so that we can refresh and rediscover our joy in our bundles of wonder. When we are tired, okay, when I am tired, I get frustrated and snappy. I forget that if I just plan ahead I can help Ruth to achieve great things. Down time allows me to be me. When I am me, I gain focus. I achieve joy. Or maybe I don't, but I can feel a shift in my attitude about life.
New friends, old friends, friends are a blessing.
Changes
Yesterday, there was a note from school. Two, actually.
One was on a packet of written work "Ruth used a lap pad and did a GREAT job getting her work finished." Hmm, a lap pad, you mean you gave her some sensory input and she responded positively? Why am I not surprised? This was wonderful on many levels. It validates what I have been asking for: that Ruth needs to have a correct sensory diet. It also gave Ruth an absolutely fantastic start to her weekend.
The other was 7 words long "Ruth had a very good day today."
In translation: Ruth got to eat her snack, she completed all her work on time. She not only had the lap pad, but wore a weighted vest for parts of her day. She felt good inside and so was able to produce what the teacher asked for. Isn't that wonderful?~!
One was on a packet of written work "Ruth used a lap pad and did a GREAT job getting her work finished." Hmm, a lap pad, you mean you gave her some sensory input and she responded positively? Why am I not surprised? This was wonderful on many levels. It validates what I have been asking for: that Ruth needs to have a correct sensory diet. It also gave Ruth an absolutely fantastic start to her weekend.
The other was 7 words long "Ruth had a very good day today."
In translation: Ruth got to eat her snack, she completed all her work on time. She not only had the lap pad, but wore a weighted vest for parts of her day. She felt good inside and so was able to produce what the teacher asked for. Isn't that wonderful?~!
One day at a time...
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Ruth is struggling so much. It is only day 5 and tonight she had 7 “extra” pages of writing and math besides the one meant to be homework. They are offering sensory items “as needed”, but yet, she is not able to use them the way she feels.
I am frustrated, and she is crying “I hate me.”. I spoke to the teacher yesterday and felt better, but tonight I just want to scream. I have open house tonight, and can only hope that I will not be so aggravated as to say something that should not be said.
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Ruth is struggling so much. It is only day 5 and tonight she had 7 “extra” pages of writing and math besides the one meant to be homework. They are offering sensory items “as needed”, but yet, she is not able to use them the way she feels.
I am frustrated, and she is crying “I hate me.”. I spoke to the teacher yesterday and felt better, but tonight I just want to scream. I have open house tonight, and can only hope that I will not be so aggravated as to say something that should not be said.
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Communicating
It can be so hard to be a mother with a background of fighting with teachers and feeling unvalidated. My struggles with the public school system are noted by those I work with, as well as my family and friends. So, I am quick to assume the worst, instead of hoping for the best. I mean, I try to hope for the best, but I let myself get worked up over the worst. Does that make sense? In any case, I am forever rediscovering that communicating is the best way to handle the school. At least it worked for me, well, for today....
Friday brought about no snack or recess for Ruth. She was lagging behind in her work, and though it did not upset her to be without snack, I felt a rush of frustration. Added to that was the fact that her classroom is without her sensory items: No seat, no fidgets, no heavy work. This of course results in her need to get out energy, resulting in chatter. I feel lucky it was not bouncing, picking, itching, scratching, bleeding, poking, squeaking, squealing, or the need to remove herself from the classroom via the bathroom where she sucks her fingers in private. (Though any of these would have been reason for the teacher to show concern instead of discipline.)
Ah, frustration. I took into account my mother's, and pastor's, words of wisdom, and did something. No, I was not the aggressive she tiger my mother suggested. I took a different road. I assumed there was a reason, and I do not want to alienate the teacher in the first week of school. So, I called and spoke to the teacher.
INSIGHT ABOUNDS!
On Friday, the teacher noticed Ruth was struggling with her math. She took her aside to a quiet table, and sat with her to work out the problems. She offered reminders about getting her work done so that she would not miss out on snack. It sounds pretty supportive and exactly what I would want. :) She gave me the opportunity to explain that Ruth will "whine" as a result of her anxiety. She knew the math, but was afraid to get them wrong. She assumes the worst... sounds familiar? The teacher THANKED me for letting her know.
The teacher also said that she was sorry that Ruth had missed the whole recess. That was not intended. She has already spoken to the teachers on the playground, and we talked about the sensory stuff, and how they might help. She asked about if we should use the balance disk, and I began to explain there was something different to help Ruth. I had not finished explaining about how to use a flex-band (The kind of long exercise band used with stretching) to help, when she piped in "Oh, the type to tie around the bottom of her chair to bounce her legs on?".
This might turn out to be great!
Friday brought about no snack or recess for Ruth. She was lagging behind in her work, and though it did not upset her to be without snack, I felt a rush of frustration. Added to that was the fact that her classroom is without her sensory items: No seat, no fidgets, no heavy work. This of course results in her need to get out energy, resulting in chatter. I feel lucky it was not bouncing, picking, itching, scratching, bleeding, poking, squeaking, squealing, or the need to remove herself from the classroom via the bathroom where she sucks her fingers in private. (Though any of these would have been reason for the teacher to show concern instead of discipline.)
Ah, frustration. I took into account my mother's, and pastor's, words of wisdom, and did something. No, I was not the aggressive she tiger my mother suggested. I took a different road. I assumed there was a reason, and I do not want to alienate the teacher in the first week of school. So, I called and spoke to the teacher.
INSIGHT ABOUNDS!
On Friday, the teacher noticed Ruth was struggling with her math. She took her aside to a quiet table, and sat with her to work out the problems. She offered reminders about getting her work done so that she would not miss out on snack. It sounds pretty supportive and exactly what I would want. :) She gave me the opportunity to explain that Ruth will "whine" as a result of her anxiety. She knew the math, but was afraid to get them wrong. She assumes the worst... sounds familiar? The teacher THANKED me for letting her know.
The teacher also said that she was sorry that Ruth had missed the whole recess. That was not intended. She has already spoken to the teachers on the playground, and we talked about the sensory stuff, and how they might help. She asked about if we should use the balance disk, and I began to explain there was something different to help Ruth. I had not finished explaining about how to use a flex-band (The kind of long exercise band used with stretching) to help, when she piped in "Oh, the type to tie around the bottom of her chair to bounce her legs on?".
This might turn out to be great!
Kitties
Where do you bring a child with sensory seeking behaviors that absolutely loves cats?
To Grama's? Not really. She has them, and they like to be pet, but really not the best place.
To the zoo? No, the kitties there can not be touched?
How about a kitty sanctuary? YES!
Brian joined a Kitty Sanctuary to volunteer. Ruth and I went along for a tour. By the end of 45 minutes, my redheaded ball of energy had pet and touched, picked up, and played with at least 40 different cats. She dozed in the car for the less than 10 minute ride.
We will be returning, she and I. (So, will Brian, but at a different time.)
To Grama's? Not really. She has them, and they like to be pet, but really not the best place.
To the zoo? No, the kitties there can not be touched?
How about a kitty sanctuary? YES!
Brian joined a Kitty Sanctuary to volunteer. Ruth and I went along for a tour. By the end of 45 minutes, my redheaded ball of energy had pet and touched, picked up, and played with at least 40 different cats. She dozed in the car for the less than 10 minute ride.
We will be returning, she and I. (So, will Brian, but at a different time.)
It is not always easy...
To listen to others, especially the Pastor of my church. I have found myself often feeling out of touch with his thoughts. This comes from years of "differing opinions" regarding things on a personal level. Today, thankfully, things were different. His sermon mirrored a conversation I had with my mother. You know, the type of coincidence that makes really feel the Spirit of the Lord speaking to you.
Mom said I need to be more aggressive with Ruth's school. On the third day of the school year, she lost all of her recess and went without snack as she struggled to get caught up in math. Not one of her sensory items are in her classroom. How exactly can she have consequences if they have not provided her with her needed supports?
Mom said that God made Ruth special, and that I was made her mother for a reason...
Rev. Lou said that sometimes we have to take a stand that does not always make us popular. We need to listen for what God wants us to do, and then do it. He said that it can be simple things like helping others when you know they need it, it could be reaching out, it could be as a leader or a follower, but that we need to step up and do what we know is needed.
Mom said I need to be more aggressive with Ruth's school. On the third day of the school year, she lost all of her recess and went without snack as she struggled to get caught up in math. Not one of her sensory items are in her classroom. How exactly can she have consequences if they have not provided her with her needed supports?
Mom said that God made Ruth special, and that I was made her mother for a reason...
Rev. Lou said that sometimes we have to take a stand that does not always make us popular. We need to listen for what God wants us to do, and then do it. He said that it can be simple things like helping others when you know they need it, it could be reaching out, it could be as a leader or a follower, but that we need to step up and do what we know is needed.
Opening the door
Living each day with Sensory Processing Disorder puts our family in a different place than most.
We are constantly changing, and trying to decide who's senses are more important.
Do I get to have a fragrance free day,
See the door, open it, and welcome to the world of Sensory Processing Disorder.
We are constantly changing, and trying to decide who's senses are more important.
Do I get to have a fragrance free day,
or does Ruth get to smell like a "french whore house".
(My dad's saying.)
Does Brian get to have peace and quiet,
Does Brian get to have peace and quiet,
or does Ruth get to squeak and squeal to get out her energy?
Does DJ get to have personal space,
Does DJ get to have personal space,
or does Ruth get to be as close as she needs to feel safe?
Does Darrell get to sleep during the day (3rd shift worker)
Does Darrell get to sleep during the day (3rd shift worker)
or does Ruth get to bounce on the trampoline?
How does this all fit in when she goes to school? It doesn't.
Conformity just isn't part of what she does. We can not punish her for meeting her needs. The school doesn't get that. We try to fit it in, and all end up frustrated. Homeschooling is what many do, I cannot afford to keep her home. We pay for OT, Play therapy, a psychiatrist, and whatever else comes along. But, it just never seems to help.
How does this all fit in when she goes to school? It doesn't.
Conformity just isn't part of what she does. We can not punish her for meeting her needs. The school doesn't get that. We try to fit it in, and all end up frustrated. Homeschooling is what many do, I cannot afford to keep her home. We pay for OT, Play therapy, a psychiatrist, and whatever else comes along. But, it just never seems to help.
See the door, open it, and welcome to the world of Sensory Processing Disorder.
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