Knowing when to quit, or having an out

One of the things I am working on with Ruth these days is knowing when to quit an event. She can do just about anything, but I am trying to pay more attention to the cues that mean she is becoming over stimulated: the need to move, to hide, to climb. These behaviors can be irritating to say the least, and, as a mom, I want her to just learn to sit and behave. But, I am finding that by watching and learning I can get her "out" while we are still having success. That makes her feel good, and truly, it helps me to stay in control of my own feelings. It is better to do something and leave early than to either avoid going or leave in a fit.
The first time I realized this was at a wedding in August. Ruth has a great time, as did I. But, there were a few behaviors toward the end that, in hind sight, should have been my cue that she was losing her ability to stay in control. We left in tears, and that was too bad.
Then, at her own birthday party, I saw some of the triggers starting, and we attempted to get her out of the situation as quickly as possible. I missed the window, but it did not take as long for her to gain back control. Hmm, a pattern emerged.
Yesterday, we went to a funeral. Ruth had been asked by a dear friend of mine to help set up the reception. When we got into the packed church, Ruth was pretty calm. She began finger sucking and twirling her hair. She sat on my lap and promptly fell asleep. There was no buildup of behaviors, this was instant overload, and she needed escape. So, she slept through the service, and woke up in time to stand in line and speak to the widow and her family. This went quite well, and we slipped into the reception hall as the crowd went to the graveside. There Ruth had success in helping to set up the food. We waited to help out for about 45 minutes. The crowd still had not returned. I noticed a trigger behavior, and decided to take her before the people all arrived. Success was felt! She was thanked for her help and then we walked quietly to the car. She got home and was relaxed.
Sometimes, this stuff is hard to deal with. I mean who wants to plan out a for attending an event? But, by being aware that this is the best thing, we could spend time doing something, and instead of my being afraid of her becoming "naughty" I could instead focus on her good side.

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