Okay, I know many folks understand this. My kiddo hates socks. Going that far, she comes from a long line of sock haters. I still fuss if they do not feel right. Now, with winter, we have the same issue with boots. How does one get ready to play in the snow? Definitely socks and boots are on the list.
It is hard to be little. I remember. It can be hard to be a mom too. I experience that each day first hand. Today, the struggle was socks and boots. UGH! She just wanted to get out to play in the white stuff. OR maybe to disappear over to Grandpa's. Whatever the reason, socks and boots were needed. They didn't feel right. They hurt. The ridge itched her toes. The boots felt like they were on the wrong feet. The mother said "It is just the way it is. Sometimes we must deal with it." Ah, but, it is not easy. I know. I remember. I will do my best each day to remain calm in the face of her frustration. I will offer her MY socks. Whatever it takes to make things work for the moment.
It is good when things work out. The girl gets outside. She plays in the snow. She visits Grandpa. She relaxes. Things are good in the world. Who knows how it happens? It just does.
Socks and boots. Who could guess they would drive one crazy?
Oh, wait I did...
Long Dresses and wiggle room
Here is a good reason that long dresses are great for my sensory kid.
SCHOOL CONCERTS
Last spring, when Ruth had her 2nd grade concert. Her anxiety was through the roof. She just could not stand to be up with all those people surrounding her. She was upset about those in the audience as well. I sat near the back and watched, with some dismay. Oh, there was my little girl, cute as a button, holding her knee length dress up over her shoulders. Thank goodness I managed to get tights on her. I had to seek out other children I knew to watch. Ah, so crazy, I know. But, I hadn't learned then the few things I know now.
During the summer Ruth was a flower girl at my niece's wedding. When the discussion of dresses came up, I suggest one to the floor. Ruth's legs were scabby, and it was a great way to hide that. Besides, it seems more princess like, and I thought she would enjoy it. My sister ensured me that a lot of little girls legs were scabby, and we went with it. :) This dress was used during the wedding, and on several Sundays since. Now, it was used for the concert. I must say, I saw her lifting it up, but I didn't see past her knee. :)
The other thing that helps is to blow dry her hair. It had some sort of calming ability. I don't know why, but as my sister pointed out at the wedding, Ruth is a seeker, so maybe it provides the right amount of input for her to work through.
Oh, and wiggle room. Ruth's teacher has come a long way in understanding Ruth. One day not too long ago, Ruth came home and told me she doesn't know how, but the music teacher "forgot" where she belonged and moved her to a new spot. I believe that her classroom teacher suggested a spot on the edge where Ruth was not boxed in. What a good idea. She did spend much of the time wiggling and shaking.
Needless to say, I had the opposite sense of feeling at this concert. Ruth was perky and fun. She loves the music, and danced to her heart's content. She sang and did the motions. (If she was of a little, it just made her more noticeable, and as she was so cute, that was cool.)
Chalk one up on the winning side.
Knowing when to quit, or having an out
One of the things I am working on with Ruth these days is knowing when to quit an event. She can do just about anything, but I am trying to pay more attention to the cues that mean she is becoming over stimulated: the need to move, to hide, to climb. These behaviors can be irritating to say the least, and, as a mom, I want her to just learn to sit and behave. But, I am finding that by watching and learning I can get her "out" while we are still having success. That makes her feel good, and truly, it helps me to stay in control of my own feelings. It is better to do something and leave early than to either avoid going or leave in a fit.
The first time I realized this was at a wedding in August. Ruth has a great time, as did I. But, there were a few behaviors toward the end that, in hind sight, should have been my cue that she was losing her ability to stay in control. We left in tears, and that was too bad.
Then, at her own birthday party, I saw some of the triggers starting, and we attempted to get her out of the situation as quickly as possible. I missed the window, but it did not take as long for her to gain back control. Hmm, a pattern emerged.
Yesterday, we went to a funeral. Ruth had been asked by a dear friend of mine to help set up the reception. When we got into the packed church, Ruth was pretty calm. She began finger sucking and twirling her hair. She sat on my lap and promptly fell asleep. There was no buildup of behaviors, this was instant overload, and she needed escape. So, she slept through the service, and woke up in time to stand in line and speak to the widow and her family. This went quite well, and we slipped into the reception hall as the crowd went to the graveside. There Ruth had success in helping to set up the food. We waited to help out for about 45 minutes. The crowd still had not returned. I noticed a trigger behavior, and decided to take her before the people all arrived. Success was felt! She was thanked for her help and then we walked quietly to the car. She got home and was relaxed.
Sometimes, this stuff is hard to deal with. I mean who wants to plan out a for attending an event? But, by being aware that this is the best thing, we could spend time doing something, and instead of my being afraid of her becoming "naughty" I could instead focus on her good side.
The first time I realized this was at a wedding in August. Ruth has a great time, as did I. But, there were a few behaviors toward the end that, in hind sight, should have been my cue that she was losing her ability to stay in control. We left in tears, and that was too bad.
Then, at her own birthday party, I saw some of the triggers starting, and we attempted to get her out of the situation as quickly as possible. I missed the window, but it did not take as long for her to gain back control. Hmm, a pattern emerged.
Yesterday, we went to a funeral. Ruth had been asked by a dear friend of mine to help set up the reception. When we got into the packed church, Ruth was pretty calm. She began finger sucking and twirling her hair. She sat on my lap and promptly fell asleep. There was no buildup of behaviors, this was instant overload, and she needed escape. So, she slept through the service, and woke up in time to stand in line and speak to the widow and her family. This went quite well, and we slipped into the reception hall as the crowd went to the graveside. There Ruth had success in helping to set up the food. We waited to help out for about 45 minutes. The crowd still had not returned. I noticed a trigger behavior, and decided to take her before the people all arrived. Success was felt! She was thanked for her help and then we walked quietly to the car. She got home and was relaxed.
Sometimes, this stuff is hard to deal with. I mean who wants to plan out a for attending an event? But, by being aware that this is the best thing, we could spend time doing something, and instead of my being afraid of her becoming "naughty" I could instead focus on her good side.
Routines
Routines seem so very, well, routine. To someone with a creative flair, they might seem to inhibit you from doing what you want to create. To others, they are a lifeline.
Working on routines have always been so hard for me, as a person or as a mother. But, I learned a few years ago, from this site, that routines can give you more time and energy to do the things you love.
But, I am human, and I forget how important these routines are. Simple routines, like rubbing Ruth's back, can make all the difference in the world. Take last night for example. I had a long day. We went from work to therapy to Nana's to home (for Ruth) to church for a meeting to home again. I didn't sit for relaxation until after 8 PM. Ruth was tired, so I thought, mistakenly, that she would just relax and go to sleep. Not so. The things we passed out time with did not give her the sensory input she needed. This worked her up, rather than settled her down. After her daddy talked to her, she was still too wound up to settle. Then, I remembered 'routine" and sensory integration work together.
So, I went in. I held her on my lap. She cried and tried to explain away her behavior. I told her that I just wanted to sit and for her to not talk right now. I rocked her for a few minutes, then I could feel her drooping. She laid down, and I covered her with our heaviest blanket. (Man, I need one of those weighted blankets.) I sat for a few more minutes rubbing/patting her back through he blanket. her eyes began to droop. She reached her legs up. Ah, a sign for needing to be brushed. I pulled out the sensory brush, and began to gently pull it along her legs. She requested more pressure. Ah, yes, the need for sensory input was great. With in a minute or so, she was smiling in that tired droopy fashion that reminds me of her as a contented baby after she had finished nursing, minus the milk dripping out of the corner of her mouth.
Routines. We need them in this sensory filled home. They not only get work done, but they allow us to fill the sensory void, to be able to relax and feel in control. In our home, I need to remember that routines are not the enemy, but are a friend.
Working on routines have always been so hard for me, as a person or as a mother. But, I learned a few years ago, from this site, that routines can give you more time and energy to do the things you love.
But, I am human, and I forget how important these routines are. Simple routines, like rubbing Ruth's back, can make all the difference in the world. Take last night for example. I had a long day. We went from work to therapy to Nana's to home (for Ruth) to church for a meeting to home again. I didn't sit for relaxation until after 8 PM. Ruth was tired, so I thought, mistakenly, that she would just relax and go to sleep. Not so. The things we passed out time with did not give her the sensory input she needed. This worked her up, rather than settled her down. After her daddy talked to her, she was still too wound up to settle. Then, I remembered 'routine" and sensory integration work together.
So, I went in. I held her on my lap. She cried and tried to explain away her behavior. I told her that I just wanted to sit and for her to not talk right now. I rocked her for a few minutes, then I could feel her drooping. She laid down, and I covered her with our heaviest blanket. (Man, I need one of those weighted blankets.) I sat for a few more minutes rubbing/patting her back through he blanket. her eyes began to droop. She reached her legs up. Ah, a sign for needing to be brushed. I pulled out the sensory brush, and began to gently pull it along her legs. She requested more pressure. Ah, yes, the need for sensory input was great. With in a minute or so, she was smiling in that tired droopy fashion that reminds me of her as a contented baby after she had finished nursing, minus the milk dripping out of the corner of her mouth.
Routines. We need them in this sensory filled home. They not only get work done, but they allow us to fill the sensory void, to be able to relax and feel in control. In our home, I need to remember that routines are not the enemy, but are a friend.
Head Banging
Scary thought, huh?
Head banging is the newest thing we have had to deal with. In times when things are intense for Ruth, she feels the need to bang her head. Do we let her? Well, not really. I mean, she has, but we seek other things for her to do, like take a shower. I was extremely worried about this behavior, and contacted the Occupational Therapist. She said that it is cause by a need for intense input. Oh. So, for a kid with sensory seeking behavior, this could be normal, I guess.
We are looking at what we are providing her at home, and readjusting. She gets 2 bath/shower times a day (or more), we are brushing her, and there are changes to allow for more movement in our living room.
Someday, we will buy her a weighted blanket or neoprene vest to help add pressure when she feels out of control. The OT said she needs that input to reorganize herself: body, mind, and I bet even soul. I mean really think about what it feels like when you are so frustrated you can not even think.
I believe the saying goes: "I feel like banging my head against a wall.".
Head banging is the newest thing we have had to deal with. In times when things are intense for Ruth, she feels the need to bang her head. Do we let her? Well, not really. I mean, she has, but we seek other things for her to do, like take a shower. I was extremely worried about this behavior, and contacted the Occupational Therapist. She said that it is cause by a need for intense input. Oh. So, for a kid with sensory seeking behavior, this could be normal, I guess.
We are looking at what we are providing her at home, and readjusting. She gets 2 bath/shower times a day (or more), we are brushing her, and there are changes to allow for more movement in our living room.
Someday, we will buy her a weighted blanket or neoprene vest to help add pressure when she feels out of control. The OT said she needs that input to reorganize herself: body, mind, and I bet even soul. I mean really think about what it feels like when you are so frustrated you can not even think.
I believe the saying goes: "I feel like banging my head against a wall.".
New Friend
I love when Ruth makes a new friend. It does two things.
It gives her needed peer support which she craves. Having a friend to share joys and sorrows is so important. Ruth has no sisters, and so I pray she will find that friend that fills the void. Maybe this is the one...
The other is kind of selfish of me...
I had 4 hours to myself. Without the constant wonder and worry of Ruth. I moved furniture around. I worked on a project for a retreat. I sat and watched adult TV (true crime shows are not Ruth material). One thing that is hard to realize as a mother of a child with SPD is that we do need these down times. This is important so that we can refresh and rediscover our joy in our bundles of wonder. When we are tired, okay, when I am tired, I get frustrated and snappy. I forget that if I just plan ahead I can help Ruth to achieve great things. Down time allows me to be me. When I am me, I gain focus. I achieve joy. Or maybe I don't, but I can feel a shift in my attitude about life.
New friends, old friends, friends are a blessing.
It gives her needed peer support which she craves. Having a friend to share joys and sorrows is so important. Ruth has no sisters, and so I pray she will find that friend that fills the void. Maybe this is the one...
The other is kind of selfish of me...
I had 4 hours to myself. Without the constant wonder and worry of Ruth. I moved furniture around. I worked on a project for a retreat. I sat and watched adult TV (true crime shows are not Ruth material). One thing that is hard to realize as a mother of a child with SPD is that we do need these down times. This is important so that we can refresh and rediscover our joy in our bundles of wonder. When we are tired, okay, when I am tired, I get frustrated and snappy. I forget that if I just plan ahead I can help Ruth to achieve great things. Down time allows me to be me. When I am me, I gain focus. I achieve joy. Or maybe I don't, but I can feel a shift in my attitude about life.
New friends, old friends, friends are a blessing.
Changes
Yesterday, there was a note from school. Two, actually.
One was on a packet of written work "Ruth used a lap pad and did a GREAT job getting her work finished." Hmm, a lap pad, you mean you gave her some sensory input and she responded positively? Why am I not surprised? This was wonderful on many levels. It validates what I have been asking for: that Ruth needs to have a correct sensory diet. It also gave Ruth an absolutely fantastic start to her weekend.
The other was 7 words long "Ruth had a very good day today."
In translation: Ruth got to eat her snack, she completed all her work on time. She not only had the lap pad, but wore a weighted vest for parts of her day. She felt good inside and so was able to produce what the teacher asked for. Isn't that wonderful?~!
One was on a packet of written work "Ruth used a lap pad and did a GREAT job getting her work finished." Hmm, a lap pad, you mean you gave her some sensory input and she responded positively? Why am I not surprised? This was wonderful on many levels. It validates what I have been asking for: that Ruth needs to have a correct sensory diet. It also gave Ruth an absolutely fantastic start to her weekend.
The other was 7 words long "Ruth had a very good day today."
In translation: Ruth got to eat her snack, she completed all her work on time. She not only had the lap pad, but wore a weighted vest for parts of her day. She felt good inside and so was able to produce what the teacher asked for. Isn't that wonderful?~!
One day at a time...
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Ruth is struggling so much. It is only day 5 and tonight she had 7 “extra” pages of writing and math besides the one meant to be homework. They are offering sensory items “as needed”, but yet, she is not able to use them the way she feels.
I am frustrated, and she is crying “I hate me.”. I spoke to the teacher yesterday and felt better, but tonight I just want to scream. I have open house tonight, and can only hope that I will not be so aggravated as to say something that should not be said.
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Ruth is struggling so much. It is only day 5 and tonight she had 7 “extra” pages of writing and math besides the one meant to be homework. They are offering sensory items “as needed”, but yet, she is not able to use them the way she feels.
I am frustrated, and she is crying “I hate me.”. I spoke to the teacher yesterday and felt better, but tonight I just want to scream. I have open house tonight, and can only hope that I will not be so aggravated as to say something that should not be said.
I can and will get through this. I can and will get through this.
Communicating
It can be so hard to be a mother with a background of fighting with teachers and feeling unvalidated. My struggles with the public school system are noted by those I work with, as well as my family and friends. So, I am quick to assume the worst, instead of hoping for the best. I mean, I try to hope for the best, but I let myself get worked up over the worst. Does that make sense? In any case, I am forever rediscovering that communicating is the best way to handle the school. At least it worked for me, well, for today....
Friday brought about no snack or recess for Ruth. She was lagging behind in her work, and though it did not upset her to be without snack, I felt a rush of frustration. Added to that was the fact that her classroom is without her sensory items: No seat, no fidgets, no heavy work. This of course results in her need to get out energy, resulting in chatter. I feel lucky it was not bouncing, picking, itching, scratching, bleeding, poking, squeaking, squealing, or the need to remove herself from the classroom via the bathroom where she sucks her fingers in private. (Though any of these would have been reason for the teacher to show concern instead of discipline.)
Ah, frustration. I took into account my mother's, and pastor's, words of wisdom, and did something. No, I was not the aggressive she tiger my mother suggested. I took a different road. I assumed there was a reason, and I do not want to alienate the teacher in the first week of school. So, I called and spoke to the teacher.
INSIGHT ABOUNDS!
On Friday, the teacher noticed Ruth was struggling with her math. She took her aside to a quiet table, and sat with her to work out the problems. She offered reminders about getting her work done so that she would not miss out on snack. It sounds pretty supportive and exactly what I would want. :) She gave me the opportunity to explain that Ruth will "whine" as a result of her anxiety. She knew the math, but was afraid to get them wrong. She assumes the worst... sounds familiar? The teacher THANKED me for letting her know.
The teacher also said that she was sorry that Ruth had missed the whole recess. That was not intended. She has already spoken to the teachers on the playground, and we talked about the sensory stuff, and how they might help. She asked about if we should use the balance disk, and I began to explain there was something different to help Ruth. I had not finished explaining about how to use a flex-band (The kind of long exercise band used with stretching) to help, when she piped in "Oh, the type to tie around the bottom of her chair to bounce her legs on?".
This might turn out to be great!
Friday brought about no snack or recess for Ruth. She was lagging behind in her work, and though it did not upset her to be without snack, I felt a rush of frustration. Added to that was the fact that her classroom is without her sensory items: No seat, no fidgets, no heavy work. This of course results in her need to get out energy, resulting in chatter. I feel lucky it was not bouncing, picking, itching, scratching, bleeding, poking, squeaking, squealing, or the need to remove herself from the classroom via the bathroom where she sucks her fingers in private. (Though any of these would have been reason for the teacher to show concern instead of discipline.)
Ah, frustration. I took into account my mother's, and pastor's, words of wisdom, and did something. No, I was not the aggressive she tiger my mother suggested. I took a different road. I assumed there was a reason, and I do not want to alienate the teacher in the first week of school. So, I called and spoke to the teacher.
INSIGHT ABOUNDS!
On Friday, the teacher noticed Ruth was struggling with her math. She took her aside to a quiet table, and sat with her to work out the problems. She offered reminders about getting her work done so that she would not miss out on snack. It sounds pretty supportive and exactly what I would want. :) She gave me the opportunity to explain that Ruth will "whine" as a result of her anxiety. She knew the math, but was afraid to get them wrong. She assumes the worst... sounds familiar? The teacher THANKED me for letting her know.
The teacher also said that she was sorry that Ruth had missed the whole recess. That was not intended. She has already spoken to the teachers on the playground, and we talked about the sensory stuff, and how they might help. She asked about if we should use the balance disk, and I began to explain there was something different to help Ruth. I had not finished explaining about how to use a flex-band (The kind of long exercise band used with stretching) to help, when she piped in "Oh, the type to tie around the bottom of her chair to bounce her legs on?".
This might turn out to be great!
Kitties
Where do you bring a child with sensory seeking behaviors that absolutely loves cats?
To Grama's? Not really. She has them, and they like to be pet, but really not the best place.
To the zoo? No, the kitties there can not be touched?
How about a kitty sanctuary? YES!
Brian joined a Kitty Sanctuary to volunteer. Ruth and I went along for a tour. By the end of 45 minutes, my redheaded ball of energy had pet and touched, picked up, and played with at least 40 different cats. She dozed in the car for the less than 10 minute ride.
We will be returning, she and I. (So, will Brian, but at a different time.)
To Grama's? Not really. She has them, and they like to be pet, but really not the best place.
To the zoo? No, the kitties there can not be touched?
How about a kitty sanctuary? YES!
Brian joined a Kitty Sanctuary to volunteer. Ruth and I went along for a tour. By the end of 45 minutes, my redheaded ball of energy had pet and touched, picked up, and played with at least 40 different cats. She dozed in the car for the less than 10 minute ride.
We will be returning, she and I. (So, will Brian, but at a different time.)
It is not always easy...
To listen to others, especially the Pastor of my church. I have found myself often feeling out of touch with his thoughts. This comes from years of "differing opinions" regarding things on a personal level. Today, thankfully, things were different. His sermon mirrored a conversation I had with my mother. You know, the type of coincidence that makes really feel the Spirit of the Lord speaking to you.
Mom said I need to be more aggressive with Ruth's school. On the third day of the school year, she lost all of her recess and went without snack as she struggled to get caught up in math. Not one of her sensory items are in her classroom. How exactly can she have consequences if they have not provided her with her needed supports?
Mom said that God made Ruth special, and that I was made her mother for a reason...
Rev. Lou said that sometimes we have to take a stand that does not always make us popular. We need to listen for what God wants us to do, and then do it. He said that it can be simple things like helping others when you know they need it, it could be reaching out, it could be as a leader or a follower, but that we need to step up and do what we know is needed.
Mom said I need to be more aggressive with Ruth's school. On the third day of the school year, she lost all of her recess and went without snack as she struggled to get caught up in math. Not one of her sensory items are in her classroom. How exactly can she have consequences if they have not provided her with her needed supports?
Mom said that God made Ruth special, and that I was made her mother for a reason...
Rev. Lou said that sometimes we have to take a stand that does not always make us popular. We need to listen for what God wants us to do, and then do it. He said that it can be simple things like helping others when you know they need it, it could be reaching out, it could be as a leader or a follower, but that we need to step up and do what we know is needed.
Opening the door
Living each day with Sensory Processing Disorder puts our family in a different place than most.
We are constantly changing, and trying to decide who's senses are more important.
Do I get to have a fragrance free day,
See the door, open it, and welcome to the world of Sensory Processing Disorder.
We are constantly changing, and trying to decide who's senses are more important.
Do I get to have a fragrance free day,
or does Ruth get to smell like a "french whore house".
(My dad's saying.)
Does Brian get to have peace and quiet,
Does Brian get to have peace and quiet,
or does Ruth get to squeak and squeal to get out her energy?
Does DJ get to have personal space,
Does DJ get to have personal space,
or does Ruth get to be as close as she needs to feel safe?
Does Darrell get to sleep during the day (3rd shift worker)
Does Darrell get to sleep during the day (3rd shift worker)
or does Ruth get to bounce on the trampoline?
How does this all fit in when she goes to school? It doesn't.
Conformity just isn't part of what she does. We can not punish her for meeting her needs. The school doesn't get that. We try to fit it in, and all end up frustrated. Homeschooling is what many do, I cannot afford to keep her home. We pay for OT, Play therapy, a psychiatrist, and whatever else comes along. But, it just never seems to help.
How does this all fit in when she goes to school? It doesn't.
Conformity just isn't part of what she does. We can not punish her for meeting her needs. The school doesn't get that. We try to fit it in, and all end up frustrated. Homeschooling is what many do, I cannot afford to keep her home. We pay for OT, Play therapy, a psychiatrist, and whatever else comes along. But, it just never seems to help.
See the door, open it, and welcome to the world of Sensory Processing Disorder.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)