Explaining things

One of the hardest things for me is having to explain Ruth to people. The worst ones to get through to? Family members, lately her brother, Brian.
Tonight, Ruth had several meltdowns over 'special' things: her swing, a seat near the fire. It is so hard to get her to share. The meltdowns are tremendous, and can happen without a glimpse of them coming. Thankfully, as a family, we are working to keep her to 'normal' standards for her age. Occasionally, we might help another person to understand why a certain spot is important to Ruth. I find it helps when she is having difficulty with a friend who is visiting. But, when it comes to 'the girls', Ruth's nieces, I feel that they seem to always have to be the ones to give up, as does Darrell. Tonight, we dealt with the meltdowns, and stood our ground for our granddaughters. In the long run, we believe it helps Ruth as well. I did apologize to Bobby and Chrissy (my stepson and daughter-in-law) about the behaviors. They told me not to worry about it. After all, I had dealt with Brian just an hour before.
You see, Brian was diagnosed with Dyspraxia as a young child. I had no support from a doctor or the school. it was difficult, and his will was very strong. It still is. As a result, Brian had difficulty with anything physical. I let things go, and "helped" him by giving him excuses not to do the things he was told to. "It is too hard" or "My body hurts" were allowed excuses to get out of most situations.
Brian watches me with Ruth, and know that I regret letting things go for him. He attempts to hold me accountable to making her tow the line. Now, this is hard, because he does not understand that his expectations are based on his own age, not hers. He thinks I am full of it. I have spent time trying to explain things to him, and well, he seems to want to understand, but he thinks she is playing me.
I wish I had an answer on how to explain things to others. SPD is not a diagnosis that is easy to comprehend. There are no tests that are conclusive to say it is this chemical or that neuron. The anxiety is just as tough to understand. As he says, often, "We all have sensory and anxiety, Mom." He just doesn't get that Ruth struggles with both at a level that is interfering with day to day life. UGH!
Oh, well, I will plug along. He may
get it' or not. The bottom line, I know he loves her and wants the best for her. I will just keep monitoring things, and pray that I can get through the rest of the summer.